Thank God That's Over

happy holidays and shit. i can't express how happy i am that the seasonal feigned interest in goodwill, joy and caring is over. i can say that i'm quite happy with the seasonal sales; i've come up on some coveted items at ridiculous prices, yay me.

anyway, i've decided to do a few things in the coming year. (these decisions have nothing to do with new year's resolutions. i just happen to be making changes at this time.) in the interest of the new me, i've decided to 1. grow my hair out and 2. purchase an elliptical to work some fat off my deceptively fat ass (and to perhaps stop these unexplainable chest pains). the first may be tough. as soon as my hair gets any longer than a half an inch, i quickly call my barber for an appointment; however, i'm kinda sick of this look, the whole mature and bald thing. it's time to take it to the "next level." the second thing, the working out, i need to do and have been needing to do for a while. some of you may know that i joined the y(mca) last january. i have not seen the inside of said 'y' since april. even worse, i was exactly across the street from said 'y' yesterday, but couldn't be bothered to go in because i had over four pounds of filet mignon, several quarts of juicy juice, five pounds of chocolate chips, 12 buttery croissants (cwah-SOWH, say it with me), and other such delights to truck home. priorities, man, priorities.

when i got home, i filled up on a medium rare, two-inch thick steak smothered in blue cheese and sour cream and chive mashed potatoes. clearly i need this elliptical in my life. the problem with leaving the house to exercise is the whole leaving the house part. i am a lazy, insular hermit. i do not like leaving the house or carousing with the locals, even it is distanced interaction and does not involve speaking; it will not do. i came to the conclusion that the only way i'll ever exercise on a regular basis is by bringing the gym to myself; hence, the home elliptical. i've found the perfect machine--sturdy, economical and hardworking. it has garnered universal praise from fitness experts, and is made by sole, who presumably makes good stuff. i look at it this way: when i was going to the 'y,' i only used the elliptical and the treadmill anyway; this thing is the price equivalent of a year's gym membership anyway (or two, depending on where you go), so i'd rather run the risk of actually using the equipment at home than paying the 'y,' bally or whomever free money. i'm probably going to need some help on this, so all of you out there who would like to see me live rather than dying an instantaneous death over a plate of artery-clogging goodies might just want to start chipping in. also, for any of you who are looking to buy home gym equipment, go here. this guy, who calls himself the Treadmill Sensei, knows his stuff.

during the christmas holiday, i found myself surprisingly unable to leave my mother's house. usually, i'm itching to get back home, but this year i really enjoyed kicking it with the fam. i suppose this is indicative of my inevitable transformation into a human. we watched movies, we went to the movies, we ate, we laughed, we cried. we also went shopping. while shopping, i forced my brother to take some blackmail-worthy photos that appear below. i don't know. i just thought the idea of the UMJ in silly hats was hilarious. so, people, for your viewing pleasure, i present....Hats on Parade. (i do acknowledge that by putting him on blast and on the internet, i run the risk of attracting the attention of some sick, smutty pedophile. i don't really provide any salient details about the UMJ, though, so i think he'll be safe. plus, he'll kick your ass.)


get a load of the look on his face...hilarious.



dude, he's rocking a church hat.


trying to look hard in a pink, textured hat...and WILDLY SUCCEEDING! touche, young man, touche!


and finally, the crown jewel of the collection. like something from dre's early career (think world class wreckin cru, but better).