Friday, June 22, 2007

WEAVE BRAIDS!!!! b/w Blowuptuation

that's right. part two of operation regrow afro puff has been fulfilled (with part one being grow a ridiculous florida evans afro, but i digress) ... i have a WEAVE!

it's hilarious and annoying, but i can deal with it.

check me out.

side view:

so yeah, that's that. i have a weave; deal with it.


in other news, it's summer (yeah, no duh asshole). this is significant; just bear with me. see summer means, since i'm a teacher and have the summer off, a loss of routine, spare time, idleness. all these mean more time to eat. see, when teaching, i had limited time so i had gorgeously healthy eating habits: oatmeal for breakfast, peanut butter and jelly on whole wheat and lots and lots of water. now? well i can go to brunch everyday or wake up to homemade biscuits and grits and sausage every morning (thus far, i've undoubtedly filled my biscuit quota. see picture above. that pan was full before i demolished it). just the other day, i returned to my hot doug's routine of eating two large sausages smothered in foreign cheeses, creams, and caramelized onions (sounds gross, but it is heaven).

to really illustrate the danger i'm in here, let me take you on a guided tour of my kitchen and bedroom (bedroom? but why? you, dear reader, shall see.)

let's start small and build.

the kitchen is full of wonderful junk to make and eat:

the fridge

the freezer


this is my collection of necessary condiments, all lined up in my bedroom. i must have barbecue sauce near me at all times. this is sad, pathetic, and really unhealthy.

what's the point here? well, the point is that i shall be three hundred pounds by the end of the summer. the point is "i can't control my fooood!" help me. i need an intervention.

Friday, June 15, 2007

Aaaaand Scene

So that's it. I'm done. My first semester as a teacher is done. Today, I disseminated report cards, said goodbye to my classroom, and came home to eat left over shrimp and cheese grits (recipe below) and an inordinate amount of brownies. Now, I'm sitting denuded at my computer typing to my sparse public (that would be you, dear reader).

Now that I have all this free time, three months to be more exact, I haven't the slightest clue of what to do with it. No more fretting over being prepared for the coming week or having nightmares about my students or busily mulling over the time needed to grade papers. Nope, I'm free. Freedom does not become me; I may very well sit in this house and eat myself fat and depressed until September comes. I need friends.

Anyway, I'm photo logging my hair growth cuz I'm lame. While taking updated pictures of my "Good Times" fro this morning (yes, a student told me that I look like a character from "Good Times," and not a cool, foxy one like Willona or Thelma but Florida Evans or, worse, James. She didn't say Florida or James, but I know what she was thinking), I took this really cool picture. Isn't it bitchin'?

That's all I got.

I'm so proud of myself! I made shrimp n' grits and homemade biscuits for the first time yesterday. Everything was delicious.

homemade biscuits (about a dozen)

2 cups flour (good flour, like Gold Medal)
1 tbsp baking power (a little less if using buttermilk or sour cream)
1 tsp salt
1 tbsp sugar
1/3 cup butter, which is about 5 1/3 tbsp (cut into cubes and chilled) - i always use unsalted butter; it's fresher
about 1 c milk, buttermilk or sour cream (chilled) - i always prefer buttermilk because it gives a country twang, but I had none so I used sour cream

preheat oven to 425 degrees

grease a pan (i use butter cuz i'm fat)

whisk together flour, powder, salt and sugar thoroughly (very thoroughly. otherwise, you will taste the soda). cut in butter (i just use my hands to squeeze everything together) until the mixture resembles cornmeal (having some larger globs of butter is okay. just don't over agitate until the fat melts. the butter must remain relatively cold). slowly pour in milk, buttermilk or sour cream until the mixture pulls away from the bowl (if using sour cream, add just a little water or milk to thin it). depending on how dry or humid the weather is, you may or may not need the entire cup of liquid.

dust hands with flour. with a hand, scoop up a piece of dough, gently form into ball and place in greased pan. i do this while the dough is still sticky. this way, i get light and fluffy (not tough) biscuits. repeat until all dough has been used.

bake in preheated oven for 11-15 minutes.

again, i'm fat, so i rub the tops of the biscuits with butter before and after baking.


Cheese Grits (very easy)

Old Fashioned grits, made to the box's specifications
sharp cheddar cheese
garlic salt (dash)
lots of pepper

I made enough for four people, used 1/2 cup of cheese and seasoned to taste. this part was easy.


1 tbsp unsalted butter
1 tbsp olive oil
1 small tomato (chopped)
fresh basil (about a teaspoon)
garlic (the amount is totally up to you. i love garlic, so i use a lot.)
about 9 large shrimp (trader joe's precooked, frozen variety works for me)

melt butter, add olive oil. saute tomato and garlic til tomatoes soften. toss in basil and shrimp. cook very briefly until shrimp is heated. any longer and the shrimp will be tough.

pour the shrimp mixture over some hot cheese grits, grab some biscuits, and eat like a pig.

Friday, June 08, 2007

I'm Broke

Right now, I am the brokest I have been in years. My "daddy money" has run out, I had to pay rent last week, and I have a shopping problem. These things combined makes for a bank account that is dangerously close to being in the red. Luckily (and because of my shopping habit), I had hella shit to sell to the good people on Ebay. Not so luckily, I have to wait three to four days before my PayPal funds will transfer to my bank account. Fiddlesticks!


As some sort of pick me up, I guess I'll regress to eleventh grade and post about smokin' hot members of the opposite sex.

Raheem DeVaughn (or Raheem Dervaughn as Schmoses calls him) looks like a sea creature, but that's not meant to be an insult. Well ... it kinda is. There's no way around a sea creature comment, but that's not the point. The point is that despite the whole sea creature thing, he's hot. Enjoy his chick-friendly falsetto.

If you know me and have not heard my diatribe on how hot Pharoahe Monch is, you don't know me very well. It all happened around 1997 when Organized Konfusion dropped their third (and my least favorite) album. Up til then he was just the really ill one in the group (though Prince Po was certainly no slouch) and out of nowhere comes this slim and toned Monch in the "Somehow, Someway" video. Let me tell ya, I was floored ... and smitten. Since then, OK has broken up, both Po and Monch have released solo efforts, and I have wished, over and over, that these two would find their ways back to each other. This wish may never be fulfilled, but the pure hotness of Troy Jamerson (and his skill, of course) will have me at the local Best Buy for his latest release Desire on June 26, 2007. (Dontcha just love his neosoul fro?)

I love Stephen Marley. For some reason, chicks sleep on him as the cute Marley son. Monica prefers (or preferred) Damian. Ziggy got props back in the day. I hear some give it up for Kymani. And Lauren went for Rohan. Stephen man, Stephen. Plus, he's got those production skills.

Now this is a big one. I have a full-fledged, school girl/stalker crush on this man. Meet Isaac de Bankole, an actor who hails from the Ivory Coast and loves to star in difficult-to-watch films--you know, about racial injustice and stuff. Lucky for him, I'm a diligent fan and will watch him be emasculated, murdered, and generally disrespected by every manner of white folk just to get a glimpse of his sweet ass. He's also lucky that I'm too prideful and lazy to be a stalker; otherwise, he'd have to file some serious restraining orders. He was once married to Cassandra Wilson, which means they both have mutually fantastic taste, but I hear they're no longer together. Too bad; I really liked the idea of them. I've watched many a depressing movie just to stare at him. Take for example Chocolat, not the light-hearted French film starring Juliette Binoche, but the older (1988 I believe) film about racial objectification and emasculation in 1960s (or something) Cameroon. Total anger fest, but Isaac was nekkid in this film, so I'd watch it again and again. (His cheekbones could cut glass.)

Well that's it. I've exhausted my pervert reserves for the day. For those of you who like slightly off-kilter looks and huge lips, enjoy.

Saturday, June 02, 2007

RIP Tony Thompson

I just learned that Tony Thompson, the fresh-faced lead singer of group Hi-Five, was found dead outside a Texas apartment complex. I don't have the details, but this is clearly shady business. And strange. All our childhood crushes (at least mine) are dying too soon. They're supposed to get old and embarrassing before they "pass." But no, they're dropping like flies in their 20s and 30s. First Dino of H-Town. Then Kenny from Intro. Now Tony.

I'm really upset. We saw him at the Plaza when I was in high school. (Okay, so I didn't see him, but he was there while I was there.) I loved "The Kissing Game, " and crushed hard on this random dude (not so random, but this isn't about my hurt adolescent feelings) when that song was out. Monica and I used to make fun of Treston's part in "Can't Wait Another Minute." Tony and Hi-Five were a big part of my formative years, and now he's dead. Well, in memorandum ...